“Confidence is the belief and feeling that things will turn out well because you are willing, worthy, and capable.”
I get a lot of interesting flack over saying, “Courage is more important that confidence.” And the nay-sayers are not wrong, confidence is extremely important. But it’s not what comes first, in women at least. Take a look at this quote about confidence:
I am such a believer in this statement. Yet, we worry about “things will turn out well,” because we fear looking bad or that failure will hurt. How willing are you to have the belief that things will turn out well? How worthy do you feel? How do you know you are capable? This quote is fine and dandy if you feel willing, worthy and capable. This is where courage comes in. In all the women I’ve talked to, courage is the biggest hurdle. We secretly have a lot of confidence but rarely want to show it.
Courage is a huge mountain but also the force multiplier that employs confidence. One of my favorite quotes on courage is:
“Courage is taking those first steps to your dream even if you can’t see the path ahead.”
With men, according to my observations, courage appears to come easier. Although, one can’t make a generalizing statement like that. Men may be better at the old saying, “hold my beer.” But everyone suffers from courage and confidence aligning. However, with women, it’s deeper. From myself to many women I’ve known in business and offroading, we want the path to be laid out for us before we show the confidence. Again, not all but a big chunk of women I’ve talked to. There may be many reasons for this, be it societal views or how we were raised. Even with the most supportive and trailblazing parents that I have, entering into the greater western society of ours, I too stumbled on courage. Is it fear of failure? Most likely, fear of failure is a rampant disease in our world. We would rather appear confident and then full of excuses than growth-minded and students of our own actions.
Courage is a tough little bugger. Our brains work to keep us comfortable and away from such things as “danger noodles.” (Thank you, Kendra Miller, for my new favorite name for a snake) Our brains work against courageousness. In that, we must put all our energy into having courage. From that job promotion to climbing that rock face, everything transpires to keep us from doing it.
Fear is to be dealt with and managed. Period. And there are many things that can be done to do so. Like “Fear-Setting,” a way to put fear in a new perspective. Adopting a true growth-mindset and employing a learning process for when the poop hits the fan. So many times I’ve gone into triage mode to lessen the effects of failure and times that didn’t go as planned. We will find ourselves in many crucible moments during our lives, from family members passing away to a business we can’t save. The best and most successful either have a planned way to learn in those hot and boiling moments.
In the end, it’s not that you feel willing, worthy, and capable about what you are about to do but courage is taking that step, knowing that you are willing to learn, worthy of anything you want to do, and capability comes from repeated practice at failing. It’s taking that first step even if you don’t know you are on the right trail. Because you know you can pivot when you realize the map was upside down.
Talk to yourself, don’t listen to yourself (that inner voice)
Have a plan for learning instead of riding the waves and hoping for smoother water.
Take a step, knowing countless people saw the peak but didn’t find the trail until later.
Ignore what people say, our friends and family will try to keep us safe as our own brains will.
Rally on your mission, not your goal. A mission is more powerful than a goal, it applies to many actions and doesn’t end when 80-100% of the goal has been reached. (too easy to say we did our best and we did pretty good.)
Finally, yes, a lack of confidence can kill you. But a lack of courage won’t even get you to the edge of the rock wall. Confidence comes with repeating a process and we should strive to hone the skills that make us champions. When we take that step with courage, people come out of the woodwork to help. Despite our own brains trying to keep us safe, we realize we are more capable than we ever imagined.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”